Something so simple as words
by sapphicfiction
Summary: I wrote this in 2005. It takes place in an alternate universe i.e., has no relation to any of the O.C. story lines What would you do if you were in love with someone who didn't even know your name?


**Something so simple as words**

**Fandom:** The O.C  
**Shipping:** Marissa Cooper and Alex Kelly  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything  
**A brief summary:** This is a one-shot I wrote in 2005. It takes place in an alternate universe (i.e., has no relation to any of the O.C. storylines)

**I.**

It started when I sang you a song in sixth grade and you looked at me with those beautiful eyes and cruelly laughed at me, shrugging me off as just another nobody. The same way you looked at everybody else around you, except your crowd. I ran home from school and cried my eyes out, wondering what I had ever done to deserve that. Pleading to whoever was listening to make me normal, and yet a month later it happened all over again.

I wrote you a poem and you scrunched it up and threw it in the bin, laughing about it with your friends afterwards. It felt as if you had driven a knife, deep within, and twisted the blade so it reached a full 360 degree circle inside me. I fell to my knees, and once again found myself at home - crying my eyes out and wondering why I was like the way I am. Why did I have to fall in love with a girl? Why can't I be like everyone else - and fall for a boy?

Now I'm 17, in my senior year and I'm still in love with the same girl from sixth grade. The same girl that looks at me as if I'm just another nobody, with no importance or any relevance to your being or to your life. And perhaps, that's just what I am. I'm no relevance at all. At least not to you, anyway. But, you're the only one who matters. You're the one thing I live for. The one thing I go to school for. The one thing I get out of bed for. And still, I'm just another nobody with a wasted heart on you. Because you're my everything, and you don't even know my name.

Well this is my name. I'm Alex Kelly. You don't even know my life. Why would you, when you don't even know me? Anything about me, anything at all. In fact, you don't even know that it was me who wrote you those poems - all of them. I'd sit up, late at night, thinking of the way you looked that day. Seeing the smile on your face, at lunch time as you sat by the cafeteria and laughed with your friends. You always managed to look amazingly gorgeous, everyday - every single day, you took my breath away. The words would come naturally, and by midnight - every night - I'd have another poem or another song written especially for you.

Not that you cared. Not that you gave yourself a chance to care.

My best friend, Summer, thinks I'm obsessed with you. Maybe she's right, maybe I am. Or, maybe I'm amazed, entranced, enthralled or any other adjective that could possibly describe the way you make me feel about you. I take one simple look at you, and I'm completely lost by you. I lose all sense of reality and become besotted by your beauty, by your mere presence - by the way your body lingers, as if everything you do is in complete slow-motion. And all I want to do is savour each second for a rainy day.

You passed me in the hall, and glanced in my direction for a split second - which seemed an eternity for me. I remember every second, of your first eye contact with me, as if it happened yesterday. Casually strolling through the halls, to my next class, I see you in the distance and try not to stare like the obsessed freak, you probably think I am. Not that you would actually think that, because you don't even know of my existence. You're walking, alone, as if you're some Hollywood starlet. You walk with confidence, like you always do. Knowing of everyone's respect and admiration for you, as everyone quickly moves out of your way. The girls want to be you while the boys want to be with you. And then suddenly, your eyes meet mine for that momentary instant - and in that second, I'm in complete heaven. So this is what heaven feels like? Reality came crashing back, as soon as you were lost in the distance and I turned around to realise everyone had already moved to their next class, and I was left standing alone. Symbolic of everything that had happened in my life, up until thus far.

I gladly went into detention, for my tardiness that day, knowing it was worth it. To finally see your eyes meet mine and to feel so alive, inside, that it hurt all over. It's like a sudden light had turned my life upside down, because you looked at me. My body finally woke up to the realisation that I'm alive. I'm alive because you make me feel alive. You make my body feel alive. And all you have to do is look at me with those gorgeous eyes, that I have been looking at for so long, to make me come out of the coma - that it seems my body has been in for the last 17 years. The conscious coma is no more, because I'm finally alive.

Years had passed by, since I wrote my last poem to you in Junior High. I couldn't bare the routine of you scrunching up my feelings and throwing them into the bin. Is that what you would do if I told you how I felt about you? Would you look at me, in disgust, and throw me away like you throw my written words away? You probably would considering I'm a girl, after all. I'm the abnormal girl because I'm in love with you - Marissa Cooper. Miss Popularity. For some reason, though, I went home and stayed up until midnight again, writing you another poem. I already knew the outcome. You would open your locker, to see the mystery red envelope with the piece of paper with my words, written on them, inside. You would open it, glance at it, scrunch it up then throw it away. Only to laugh about it, with your friends, afterwards. I remember, one day, overhearing you tell your friends, "Oh great, another sad lonely boy wanting my attention with another cheesy poem. As if I didn't get enough of these already." I cried, afterwards. But then, when it came to you, I cried a lot.

Midnight had already come and gone, and I had written nothing. My floor was messy with scrunched up pieces of paper all over. Trying to write another poem, for you, seemed to be so difficult this time. It's like, I had nothing to say. And yet, at the same time, I had plenty to say. I wanted to tell you that you make me feel so alive. I guess, that wouldn't go down so well - not that you would actually read it anyway. Why was I torturing myself? I already knew the outcome, and yet here I sit at 4:30am, trying to find those right words - because I wouldn't settle for anything less.

You're like sunshine when it rains.

That's all I could come up with, in 6 hours of trying to find those words. Those magical words, that you would care enough to read. Those words that would stand out from the rest, and finally gain your attention. I want your attention. In fact, I need your attention because I'm going crazy inside every second I don't get to see you. Every second I don't get to hear your voice, or see your smile. That smile that could make any bad day, turn into a beautiful shining day.

The sun had risen an hour ago, and as I sat on my bed with pen and paper and watched the sun shine into my room, I again thought of the way you looked when the sun would shine down on your, already, glowing body. It seemed to enhance your body that extra special bit more. Paying particular attention to your curves, you were always eye candy. I could sit and watch you all day, and continue to be blissfully happy. Still with merely only 6 words on the piece of paper, before me, I decided to stop. It came to me, that writing you a poem wasn't what was needed. What was needed was this. A letter, of sorts. A letter to you, from me, about the first time you broke my heart. And how you continued to break my heart, without even knowing it. But still, I find myself falling so hard for you - each day, every day. I fall and fall and continue to fall, wondering if you would ever give me the time of day to catch me.

But I guess we already know that answer.

Today, we end our last year as school students. Tomorrow, we go into the big wide world and face reality - that thing called life. Anticipating what the future beholds for us. Finally, I realise, now I have nothing to lose. Because today is the last day I'll ever see your beautiful smile, your gorgeous eyes - the last day I'll ever see you. And I can't not help but wonder 'what if'? So here I am. This is me. Alex Kelly. The girl you made fun of and pushed over, when we were mere toddlers in kindergarten. The girl you have known since we were five years old, but yet - you never gave me the time of day to actually know me. I went to school with you, since kindergarten. I wrote you those 'cheesy' poems since sixth grade, when I finally realised my crush on you was more than a crush. I wrote those songs, I tried to sing in school, for you - and you never paid them any attention. Instead, you mocked me. You made fun of me. You hurt me, and still - I'm in love with you.

No longer am I afraid. Maybe it's because I know you're only going to glance at this, before you end up throwing it away. Which is probably for the best anyway. But at least, after today, I'll have no regrets. I've finally laid my feelings on the line for you to ridicule. I am vulnerable, but only vulnerable to you. You can rip my heart out of my chest, and throw it away - it'll do nothing. Years of you doing, just that, has made me numb to the pain. However, by chance you do end up reading this, know this - since I first met you, you have been my everything. And until the day I die, my heart is forever yours.

Eternally grateful,  
Alex Kelly.

**II.**

Marissa Cooper was stunned into silence as soon as her eyes left the piece of paper, she held in her hands. In under an hour, the bell would ring for the last time for the Seniors of Harbor, and Marissa had no idea what to do about the letter she had just read. Shocked, surprised and confused, Marissa needed to sit down and make sense of this. Who is Alex Kelly? She tried to remember, as she sat on the bench outside the main entrance. Her yearbook was the only hope of finding this Alex Kelly person.

As she turned the pages, and started drifting from her main purpose as she saw memories of the year that went by recalling the bonfire with the human pyramid and the SNO.C with the fake snow, finally she came by a picture of Alex Kelly. Her favourite subject was music and English, which brought a smile to Marissa's face having already known those two would likely be Alex's favourite subjects from the letter. Underneath Alex's picture, along with her favourite subject, was her goal in life which read simply enough: to be noticed.

Slumping back into the seat, Marissa sighed in frustration as she looked at the time on her watch one last time. It was time to go and prepare for the last speech she would ever make, for Harbor. The seniors of 2005 graduation speech. Marissa didn't have time to think about some lovesick girl, clearly obsessed with her. She needed to focus on the last 45 minutes of her Senior Year.

Going over her speech, one last time, Marissa was finally happy with the outcome of her speech. It looked heartfelt enough, from where she was standing. That's what she needed to display for the graduates of Harbor - a heartfelt goodbye and thanks for nothing speech. As long as she made it believable enough, nobody cared anyway. But as she found herself in deep thought about the next half hour, Marissa needed to read Alex's letter one more time. There was something about her words that Marissa needed to read again.

Without realising it, the Dean of Harbor had called Marissa up to the stage to make her speech. For the past 10 minutes, everyone had gathered into the hall, without Marissa fully realising it. She was too captivated by the letter before her, and with a loud clear of the Dean's throat, Marissa finally came back to earth - realising she must be blushing like a fool right about now.

Standing up on that podium, she got out her notes along with Alex's letter and placed them on the stand in front of her. Looking down at her notes and quickly glancing at the letter, beneath her notes, Marissa raised her eyes to meet her fellow peers sitting on the seats, in the hall, waiting for Marissa to finally say something. But as she stood there silent, the only thing on Marissa's mind was where was Alex? As she desperately tried searching for the blonde girl, with her eyes, the students all wondered what was going on.

Sitting towards the back, sloppily in her seat and next to her best friend, Alex was unfazed by the silence, putting it down to her lack of thinking properly anyway. There was, already, too much on Alex's mind for her to care what was going on before her. Finally, Summer nudged Alex back out of her daze.

"Your girlfriend seems to be at a loss for words."

Shaking off her best friends not so subtle ways, Alex simply shrugged at Summer and looked back around at the podium, waiting in anticipation for what Marissa was about to say - if anything at all. It seemed Alex wasn't the only person, waiting. Everyone was waiting.

Marissa looked towards the back of the hall and saw Alex's face. Her face wasn't like everyone else's, all looking at Marissa. Instead, Alex was looking around the room, lost her thoughts. But, still, it gave a comforting feeling and Marissa finally began her speech. A speech she had not just spent a day and a half writing and re-writing, but a speech that came from her heart. The words seemed to naturally flow out. Recalling the way Alex's had written about her own words, naturally flowing every time she thought of her.

She paused smiling at the thought, then continued with her speech.

As soon as she was finished, she was given a standing ovation with some students and teachers shedding a few tears. The way her words seemed to have touched everyone and made them feel something, she realised she had Alex to thank for that. For if it wasn't for Alex, Marissa probably would have never understood the meaning of something so simple as words that are powerful enough to move you.

Finally, senior year was over and as everyone gathered around and embraced each other, wishing each other success in their life, there was only one thing left to do. She didn't care about the meaningless words that her fellow peers were pouring out. She only cared about one thing. Right now, Marissa needed to thank Alex for her words. It seemed odd, in a way, that Marissa was ignoring everyone else for some girl she never really knew or ever got to know.

Finding herself, for the second time that day, searching the room with her eyes for Alex, Marisa finally gave up. Why would Alex stick around, anyway? None of these people knew her, because they were all like Marissa. Too in love with themselves and their life, to give a damn about anything or anyone else. Running out of the hall, Marissa searched the grounds for Alex. There was nothing, there was no one. Simple enough, Alex was gone forever.

Clearing out her locker, for the last time, Marissa was finally done. As she walked out of Harbor High, she turned around one last time and remembered all the good times she had with the one regret of never knowing Alex Kelly. Walking to her overpriced Mustang, and placing her things inside her car, Marissa finally turned around to the presence of Alex just standing there. She looked helpless, as if she were lost. Perhaps she was. Yet, Marissa also just stood there.

In a bold move, Alex knew she couldn't just give Marissa the letter to her heart and not know if she gave herself the chance to read it, or threw it away - like she threw the rest away. So instead, she decided that giving Marissa the letter wasn't enough. Alex needed to know. As she stood in front of Marissa, capturing the girl's beauty and feeling those familiar feelings at every second of this encounter, no words seemed to want to come out.

Instead, Marissa walked closer to Alex in her usual lingering way. Not once did Marissa break eye contact with Alex, instead she captured the girl's eyes and remained locked with them. It was all new territory for Marissa, having only noticed another girl's beauty that day as she saw Alex casually looking around in the hall. All she wanted to do was say a simple thank you to Alex, for her words. But a simple thank you, seemed as if it were a nothing compared to what was truly deserved.

Alex felt her heart beat, increasingly fast, as Marissa inched forward - step by step. What was the tall lanky brunette doing? Did she read the letter and is now about to slap me? Or is she coming over here to ask who I am? All Alex could do was wait for the outcome, while her mind riddled with possibilities of various outcomes. She had craved the day that Marissa would speak directly to her, and it seemed as if today was going to be that day.

Unaware of what she was about to do, Marissa inhaled the scent of the girl that was now directly in front of her, close in proximity. Exhaling the freshness, finally Marissa brought her finger up to Alex's lips, tracing the length of the girl's lips. Feeling how soft they were, to touch, and wanting to go further. Boldly, Marissa leant in and placed her own lips on Alex's - sharing a passionate moment with another girl. Both girls felt different emotions, but shared one similar emotion - how good it felt.

Marissa broke away from the tender kiss, and smiled at Alex, leaning in to her ear. She could see the girl shaking, and wanted to comfort her so desperately. Instead, Marissa whispered, "I noticed you."

Finished


End file.
